How to Repair Family Rifts

Family rifts are emotionally hard. Typically, they occur between a parent and an adult child, although they can occur between siblings, cousins, and extended family. Family rifts can cause chronic stress and anxiety, which can lead to low self-esteem and poor self-confidence. Chronic stress can also contribute to physical illnesses.

Tips to repair family rifts.

You can start the process of repairing family rifts. It takes courage and, often, humility. Your family estrangement might be due to something you did or was done to you. Words may have been spoken that can never be forgotten. Things may have been posted online and now exist forever in the cloud.

Forgiveness and trust take time. As you move through the tips for reconciling family rifts, remember that rebuilding a relationship takes effort and patience. It will probably not happen overnight. Trust the process and your relationships into God’s hands. He can soften even the hardest hearts.

Seek counsel.

Before you take the first step in reconciliation, consult with a counselor. Not all relationships are healthy. Sometimes, reconciling a toxic relationship can make things worse for your mental health. A counselor can help you determine if the relationship can be saved, if it is worth the effort on your part, and if so, how to establish boundaries.

Counseling also helps you past the moments when you do not receive a formal apology. We can build up confrontations in our minds, but when it comes to speaking to the person, forgiveness without an apology may be what is needed. Some people show forgiveness and hope in other ways but cannot admit when they have been wrong. You may need to extend grace to those people.

Make contact.

Family rifts are often strengthened due to pride. After betrayal and hurt, we find it challenging, perhaps a little too humbling, to make the first move toward reconciliation. Yet, making first contact may be the right move toward forgiveness on both sides.

You are not admitting defeat. You are bridging the gap and opening communication. You cannot move forward in the relationship if you have closed every avenue of communication. Maybe this means you pick up the phone first, write that letter, or unblock them from social media and send that message.

Give the relationship time.

Building trust takes time. Those first talks and meet-ups may feel awkward and tense. Give these meetings to God. Ask Him to empower you with what to say and do to heal the relationship. God created us to have a relationship with Him and others. He knows how complex these relationships can be with others and can help us through them.

Hand over your loved one to God. Trust Him and His timing. As you build trust and communication, things will become easier. The relationship may never be 100% again or be what you yearn for it to be because you cannot control other people’s behavior, but time will make the relationship less of a heartbreak as you heal.

Keep Expectations Low

If you build scenarios of how you think something should go, you will be disappointed if it does not work out that way. For example, if you are estranged from your adult daughter and picture a tearful reunion with hugs and kisses after years apart, you might be setting yourself up for hurt. The initial reunion might be full of tension, anger, and resentment, all emotions that will need to be worked through for reconciliation.

Instead, keep your expectations low and realistic. Manage your emotions and reactions. Keep the lines of communication open. Eventually, the relationship might meet your ideal, but in the meantime, take it slowly.

Grieve if you need to.

Family rifts are comparable to loss. It is the loss of a relationship. It is okay to grieve this loss. The grief process has five stages, and you might experience each one during the rift: denial (shock), anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

A counselor can help you through the grieving process. You might find yourself stuck in one stage, like depression, for too long, jeopardizing your physical and mental health. Seek help right away if your grief is interfering with your daily activities, work, and other relationships.

Consider counseling.

Repairing family rifts may require the help of a third party, a counselor who can mediate between you and your family members. A counselor at Sunnyvale Christian Counseling can also help you understand why reconciliation is possible and how to make the first move. Connect with a Christian counselor in Sunnyvale today to get started.