Together Forever: Making Married Life a Priority

Do you make the time to take stock of your marriage? How is your married life? Whether you have been wed for one week or fifty years, if you do not pause and assess the strength and closeness of your relationship, it can end without your knowledge.

When a spouse feels neglected, ignored, or abandoned, or their basic needs are unmet, it can cause emotional distance. If you want to keep your marriage strong or fall in love all over again, you must make your married life a priority.

God blesses marriage

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” – Genesis 2:18, NIV

God created marriage when He gave Adam a companion and wife in Eve, a woman made from the man’s body. Throughout the Bible, God stresses marriage and warns against being alone and adultery. God approves so much of marriage that Jesus is compared to a bridegroom coming back for His bride (the church).

Treating marriage as anything less than sacred can ruin the relationship before it has a chance to blossom. Marriage is a covenant between three people: the husband, the wife, and God. We need to work on nurturing this relationship above all others.

Ways to make your married life a priority

Growing closer throughout the marriage is the goal of a healthy relationship. But just because you say, “I do,” at the altar does not mean that the hard part is over. To make a marriage work, you must put in the effort to listen, communicate, show compassion, forgive, and build physical and emotional intimacy.

The following are ways you can make your marriage a priority.

Realize you need to work on your marriage.

The chase in a relationship is often the best part. It is fun to pursue someone whom you feel a connection with and to fall in love with that person. You forget everything else when you fall in love. When that other person accepts you for who you are, it is the best feeling in the world, and when they agree to marry (or they propose), it can feel as if you are closer to the goal of Happily Ever After.

But some couples stop doing the things that got them through the chase and get to the engagement after the wedding night. They believe the hill has been taken, and they no longer need to work at the marriage. Instead, they focus on other responsibilities such as family, career, home, and finances.

What if you were different? What if you realized that you would need to put in the effort to stay married and experience the relationship on a deeper level? Making the conscious decision daily to pursue your spouse can strengthen your relationship and build emotional intimacy as you spend time together.

Realize that both emotional and physical intimacy are important.

As you build the emotional intimacy between the two of you, connecting and talking about what is important to you, keep in mind that physical intimacy is just as essential. There is a connection between a man and a woman during sex. It is the two joining as one.

When you marry, you claim a loving right to your spouse’s body, and they, to yours. This means you should honor and respect their body as you would your own. You do not abuse or otherwise hurt the other – physically, emotionally, or mentally. You have a connection that no one else shares with your spouse, an intimate and vulnerable love.

Work on communication.

Your spouse cannot read your mind. Even if you have been married for decades, they are no closer to reading your thoughts and knowing what you want than they were on your wedding day. God did not give us the gift of telepathy. However, He made it possible for us to learn effective communication skills to express our feelings and dissolve arguments.

You may need to seek a counselor’s help to learn how to communicate better with your spouse. Listen actively and pause before replying or negatively reacting to an argument. Listen with the intent to hear what is bothering your spouse instead of rushing in to defend yourself.

Make friends with other married couples.

Although we should maintain healthy friendships after marriage, it is beneficial to surround ourselves with other devoted married couples, including those who have been married for a long time. These people are a wealth of advice and can serve as role models. Every couple has issues, but how they work through their struggles makes them successful.

Saying that you will find a Happily Ever After during your marriage can lead you to bail at the first struggle that does not mesh with the fantasy ideal you had coming into the relationship. Being friends with other married couples allows you to see firsthand how others move around or through obstacles and keep their married life a priority.

Make decisions together.

Every marriage has a slight form of codependency. Codependency is when you rely on another individual or enable another person to continue in a behavior. Most of the time, a couple must lean on each other during tough seasons. For example, you may need to rely more on your spouse during a long-term illness. However, a few years from now, you may need to take the reins if your spouse is diagnosed with cancer.

Codependency usually refers to one person enabling self-destructive or abusive behaviors. As a couple, you should work as a team to make decisions, including financial ones. If your spouse struggles with destructive behaviors, addiction, or a mental disorder, reach out for help today.

Be willing to forgive.

In marriage, sometimes letting the minor pet peeves slide is best for peace in your home. This is a time to pick your battles. Do you really want to fight over toothpaste spots on the mirror? Or would you rather save those arguments for a more significant crisis?

No one wants to be nagged, so learning communication skills can help you get your point across in a way that builds the other person up instead of tearing them down. Your spouse is a person, too, and should be treated the way you would want to be treated.

If your significant other seems to be constantly criticizing you, bring it to their attention. They may not be aware of their words, or they could have been raised in a home where someone did that to them. If the behavior does not stop, consider couples counseling to adapt new strategies.

Can you save your married life?

Does your marriage seem like it is at the end of its rope? Does it feel like you live with a roommate instead of a spouse, lover, friend, or companion? It is not too late to shift your married life into the most meaningful priority on your list. However, issues may be blocking your endeavors, especially if your marriage has been neglected for some time.

Contact our office today to schedule an appointment with one of the marriage counselors in our network. We would love to talk with you about married life and what can be done to rebuild and strengthen your relationship. Two are better than one, and marriage takes work, but with God as your foundation, you can have a long-lasting marriage. Take the first step today and contact us.

Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. – Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, NIV